Everytime you close your eyes (lies! lies!)

The other night I was watching an episode of House where Dave Matthews plays an idiot savant who is amazing at the piano. At one point during the diagnosis, House starts playing I Don't Like Mondays by the Boomtown Kats. I watched his hands with my keyboard in front of me and figured out the intro, and I feel like the rest of the song is pretty easy from there. It's been a long time since I was that proud of myself. Music is one of the very few things that makes perfect sense in my mind. I'm lost without it, and I'm incredibly grateful for the ability to play instruments well.

I've been thinking about depression and pain and problems a lot lately. (For those of you just joining us, I've dealt with depression quite a bit for the last who knows how long, and there are times that it's been pretty scary.) This year's been strange in that I've finally found effective ways to deal with all of these things. I don't know if it'll stick cause I've been wrong before, but I feel pretty good about it. I'm thinking it has to do with me making an active decision not to let my fears get the better of me, like they have in the past. Seems like up until a few months ago, all of my decisions were based on that. I think I've got it down to half now, and it's only a matter of time that I get it down to zero. Some people would argue that a little fear is healthy, but I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it controlling every aspect of my life. It's about time I started taking risks.

This is why I'm moving to Chicago. Partly to prove to myself that I can support myself in a big city, and partly because this is one of the very few ways that I'm ever going to get anywhere in my desired career. And I will be going places. By 2014 I will be on your TV, at the very least.

2009 was the year I finally woke up, and 2010 is going to be the year I rise from the ashes like a Phoenix.