Sometimes

I wish the MTV show Jersey Shore had its own channel where it just played all day.

Everytime you close your eyes (lies! lies!)

The other night I was watching an episode of House where Dave Matthews plays an idiot savant who is amazing at the piano. At one point during the diagnosis, House starts playing I Don't Like Mondays by the Boomtown Kats. I watched his hands with my keyboard in front of me and figured out the intro, and I feel like the rest of the song is pretty easy from there. It's been a long time since I was that proud of myself. Music is one of the very few things that makes perfect sense in my mind. I'm lost without it, and I'm incredibly grateful for the ability to play instruments well.

I've been thinking about depression and pain and problems a lot lately. (For those of you just joining us, I've dealt with depression quite a bit for the last who knows how long, and there are times that it's been pretty scary.) This year's been strange in that I've finally found effective ways to deal with all of these things. I don't know if it'll stick cause I've been wrong before, but I feel pretty good about it. I'm thinking it has to do with me making an active decision not to let my fears get the better of me, like they have in the past. Seems like up until a few months ago, all of my decisions were based on that. I think I've got it down to half now, and it's only a matter of time that I get it down to zero. Some people would argue that a little fear is healthy, but I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it controlling every aspect of my life. It's about time I started taking risks.

This is why I'm moving to Chicago. Partly to prove to myself that I can support myself in a big city, and partly because this is one of the very few ways that I'm ever going to get anywhere in my desired career. And I will be going places. By 2014 I will be on your TV, at the very least.

2009 was the year I finally woke up, and 2010 is going to be the year I rise from the ashes like a Phoenix.

Open Mic Night

Tonight, for the first time in five years, I was involved with the performance of Live Music! on a stage in front of people I have never met before. The experience, as it was in the past, was immediately exhilarating and addicting and I can't wait to do it again.

Tonight, Luke, Kirk and myself performed under the name Ultimate Party Champions! at Muse Music on University Avenue. Luke and I played the guitar and Kirk brought us home on the bongos. We played a cover of "I Started a Joke" by The Bee Gees and an original song I'm not sure the name of that Luke wrote. That was easily the high point of the night, at least for us.

One of the other performers was a four year old boy named Evan, who rocked the toy piano and sang "I Love Jesus," "ABCs" and "Jingle Bells." He also danced on stage while we played and hung out with us on the couch afterwards. Coolest kid ever. He loved our bongos.

Overall, a good time was had by all and I look forward to doing this again in the near future. Next time though, we're doing all original music.

((fiction.))

I'm trudging through roughly six inches of snow now, and it's night time and I'm tired. The backpack has worn through both of my shoulders. Not sure why I'm still carrying it. My right leg is officially useless, and my left is more than tested as it more or less works alone to pull my body. It's been three days of walking, and I can't stop, not now.

Stopping equals collapsing equals sleeping equals freezing equals death. And death seems like an anti-climactic ending for this story.

I try distracting myself. I replay the situation in my head, trying to work it into some sort of story to tell my eventual children. Hey kids, did I ever tell you about the time I trudged for four days through the Alaskan wilderness with no sleep and a bullet in my right leg? That's why I don't walk anymore.

No. That's terrible. Football injury. I'm not telling mine or anyone else's kids about this, not any of it. Probably no one else. Maybe the doctor, if... no when he tries to save my leg.

I really need to think about something else.

Maybe I can work at the bar again when I get home. I liked the bar. I did great things there, and people liked me. They told me. Jeff, I like you. You've got a good face. I do have a good face. In another life, I think this face could make me a lot of money. Maybe I should grow a mustache when I get home. It's coming in pretty strong now. The rest of the beard, not so much.

I think I'm walking in circles.

Maybe I'll never get home. Maybe I'll die right here and no one will ever find me. I guess that would be okay. Probably I'd deserve it. Maybe one day a million years from now they'd find me frozen here with this bullet in my leg. The contents of this backpack would be studied for years. The scientists will probably ascribe some strange meaning to all the items, but they'd of course be wrong. I'm the only person still alive that could possibly make sense out of all of this.

I wonder what scientists would call me? I remember reading a National Geographic as a child where scientists found an Ice man from prehistoric days. Like a caveman or something. Oh, what did they call him? Adam? They'll probably call me Adam, like the Bible. I wonder if they'll have the Bible? What if they base all of their knowledge of past civilizations on what they find on me? What if everything they think is wrong? Oh no. What if everything we think is wrong?

I'm now walking into a town, but I can feel someone at my back. I've got to go somewhere; got to hide. Got to focus. Maybe in this gas station. I'm going to hide back here and maybe the feeling is going to pass. I'm looking at the magazine selection, trying to look inconspicuous, but it's not working out too well. Buildings are out.

I am just going to run until something stops me.

I am still running. Forever has passed and still, the running. The burning is gone and now I feel nothing. Just pushing forward. But still it follows me. I can't escape. I am running through a forest now and there is no snow, and I am running faster than ever. Almost I am flying but still it is at my back whatever it is and I am scared oh no what is going to happen?

I am not regular cold anymore, not physically. My soul is cold and I am runningflying and still looking for an escape. I see a large tree up ahead and I decide that I am going to hide there. I approach and behind the tree there is

What the cool kids are listening to this season:

Here Comes A Regular- The Replacements
((Nice Dream))- Radiohead
Lover's Day- TV on the Radio
Throw Away Your Television- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Romeo Had Juliette- Lou Reed
True Love Waits- Radiohead
From a Motel 6- Yo La Tengo
My Drug Buddy (Live Acoustic)- Ben Kweller
Tonight- Lykke Li
Some Things Last A Long Time- Daniel Johnston
...She Smiled Sweetly- The Rolling Stones
Living Life- Eels
The World Is Yours- Nas
Crystal Ship- The Doors
Boxing (A Cappella)- Ben Folds
The Man Comes Around- Johnny Cash

Coppers and Roustabouts.

Blake and I have decided to resurrect Nixon Vs. Dracula. Most of you don't know about Nixon Vs. Dracula, I think. And that's why I'm gonna explain it to you right now. Nixon Vs. Dracula is an aborted film project we started with our friend Kyle about a year and a half ago. The plot is pretty much explained by the title.

The reason for its resurrection is honestly, we feel we can do it better. Also, we feel like it needs a pretty solid rewrite. And more over-the-top action scenes. (One of my personal goals for this project is to spend more than half our budget on fake blood.) Our friend Kyle isn't coming along for the ride this time because he is in Mother Russia, which means we'd be out a Richard Nixon. Luckily, I'm slightly more Nixon-shaped, so now we're just out a Dracula. And pretty much most of the rest of the cast (we have a Checkers and a Narrator though!)

What I'm getting at is we need a cast. If you'd be interested at all, go ahead and let me know. Or let Blake know. It's gonna be legen--- wait for it--- dary!

(sorry about that. I'm currently watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother and couldn't help myself.)

It's been a while and I feel bad...

But I've been neglecting you because I've been writing jokes! So I can perform them in front of people! I'd put some here for you all to get a little taste, but they all need work. So maybe some day soon.

I am also wearing sweaters now.